Libraries are great places for taking a girl on a first date because they offer an intimate setting but not too intimate, which can sometimes put pressure on both of you. We are both 28yrs old and when we were 16yrs old he cheated on me and we broke up for a year. I consider her my life partner and we both cannot imagine a future together. She will find that attractive. I thought it was VERY MUCH FAIR considering that I could have made him divide everything in half and he would have had to pay for my attorney as well as pay me alimony but I am not stupid enough to think money or material things make you happy but apparently $$$ is the cause of his parents hatred towards me and the fact that he will avoid the whole truth. I dont need you to tell us what you did to him. Her father found out what I had done and told me He would not tell her but I needed too so I agreed that I would. I also am interested in how to move through counseling by addressing this with my husband. Well, there is a way. We have been verbal abuse. It all blew up on my birthday this year. She had left her 2nd husband & was house-sitting for friends. The thought of sex with anyone but him is not an option for me. So when be was at hos parents house I called him to ask when he was going to be home. DrDeb, Be sure to check the credentials of your therapist. But he told her every little detail about me and our marriage. How can I make him confident enough in me to try and forgive? I cant reach him. And i really do love him with all my heart and soul. Pictures everywhere. But I also told her that I will fight tooth and nail to keep our marriage together. My gf and I were together almost 5 years and had a son together. He hasnt cheated me again. That is a huge change in life. She said she was glad I didnt attend the wedding and that she had more fun without me being there. Dear Vilma. One thing she did mention was that she has been having panic attacks one that bad she had to get a work friend to drive her home. After all the damage that hes done to me I feel that Im starting to resent him more and more. Even more than when we firet met. Of course Ive been tested and done all the practical things but the guilt is why I suffer because he is a wonderful person and did not deserve that. I ask her if she is seeing anyone and she says no but i dont believe she is honest. My girlfriend had been cheated on in her last relationship and she did not believe me when I told her it didnt happen. Before we got married, there were issues with the kids (ie that due to his work hours I was on my own from 7am until 7pm, and that I couldnt discipline his kids with time out or anything so my daughter is the only child in the house who is discplined and faces consequences for bad choices which in turn impacts on her emotionally) but for all that, I felt that I could trust him implicitly. so you shouldnt to bother with sluggish net relationship. I told him how hurt I was and that he violated my building trust for him, shattered it actually. Usually the one word hides deep and sometimes painful feelings and attitudes. I realize what I did was horrible and have apologized over and over.he came to a counselor once but refused to go back. I died a little inside, i could not take the reality of the things he said. I sensed to late that something has been off with him and by the time I instinctively realized the emotional damage I mustve done to him I also felt that he might have fallen out of love with him. Let me draw a comparison: It reminds me of bulimia: You get to eat and then you throw it up. What can I do to show him hes my everything. She is beautiful, smart and just an amazing human being overall. I really want to work things out, he is the man I am madly in love with but I dont know what to do. I just need to get that back. 10: Go to the library for some quiet time together Any advice on how to help her heal and begin to trust me again will be greatly appreciated. They started chatting a bit online, and over the past few months, have become, in my wifes words, best friends. I never felt anything like it. I want to restart the relationship but she is feeling too pained to try. I think apart of.me was scared that I would move in with my child and he would eventually break up with me and I dont think I could bare that. He loves me and wont say leave or hes done. Weve kept contact here and there but we argue. How can I tear diwn the wall that has been built around her that bears my name? but i think he want it to work because he is hanging around to see if things will change in my behaviour. I do recommend counseling as long as it is with a trained and skilled marriage counselor who understands what Ive just said. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Hi Dr Deb, He was afraid he still had feelings for his ex, and wanted to work through them before we moved further with our relationship. Thats how it seemed. What is the best method to figure out what I truly want in this crossroads so I dont toy with my significant others heart anymore then necessary. Sadly his friends did not like me I think it may be because they all smoked and drank and lived carefree lives whereas I lived a Simple Muslim life and he was fine with that actually we even talked about Islam on a regular bases. In plain English, this means your ability to exercise logic and reason is switched pretty far off when you're in love with someone, but if you hate them, you can exercise better. She had lost he fiance and has been in and out of the hospital and has had to move back in with her parentshes been right by her side. I see my fault as well as I am a passionate person who tends to dramatize sometimes and he always wanted me to listen more to what he is saying. I think we go back to the sexy part: Be INDEPENDENT, not dependent, emotionally, when you talk to him. We talked at length about how hurt I was, and how I said one thing and him doing something else without even asking (I probably would have consented had he asked before he did it) made me feel like he had disrespected me. My Significant Other and I have been in a 3 1/2 year relationship. I just want to see that hes ready to do all it takes. To my surprise she called me 2 days after such threats to stop by and pick up few bucks. Also, I applaud you for wanting to give a stable home to his children. I said she could give him oral sex, and that I wasnt interested in watching. Any advice would be appreciated. just prove to her that u love her. But there always have been discussions. There have been some mistakes in the past 9 years that hurt me over and over, and I stopped letting myself be vulnerable to them by closing myself off from him about 4 years ago. Anyway, my real question is this. Hi Maria A few days prior to our meeting I emailed her a few things that were on my mind that I wanted her to think about and asked her to do the same. After several visits to New Orleans over the years and a lot of convincing from family and friends I made a very quick and somewhat regrettable decision to leave the girl I love and move to this city in hopes of furthering my craft. I feel really bad. The beginning of this year, my girlfriend and I of almost three years now had to move down to Vegas because of my work. For 3 weeks I slept on the couch. I came home from work and told my wife that was it. I really want to try and work things out any suggestions ? I knew the guy from working with my ex. She says that even though I have changed she is afraid to fall in love with me again. They both told the truth. She said she needed to take two steps back, that she felt I needed time to figure out what I want, etc. I have now distanced myself from him (something that he said he didnt want) and have realised i need help. she said that I should make sure Im coming close for my daughter and not for her. Im definitely not relationship counselor. You sound like an intelligent young woman; there can be a lot of possibilities for you to have a good life. It was so weird, I couldnt figure out what was going on and stayed that way until just months ago. My ex-husband had severe PTSD from his abusive childhood and then our current wars. Good luck with turning that around. Even though we had a lot of happy times after that, we started arguing about a lot of things, the arguments getting pettier as the relationship started to end. He hates head games. for 3 years everything was going awesome we were so in love seeing eachother all the time and always doing everything together and hanging out at the same friends house and then we started arguing about non sense and getting really jelous of eachother when nothing was even happening i sorta decided i got bored/tired of it and i broke up with her. But he has chose not to and has left. I wish I was exaggerating. He had admitted his faults in the relationship and told me he loved me the best of his ability. He was on alprazalam (xanex) and nodding out on the couch instead. Im confused because do I leave him be meaning dont talk to him,do his laundry,cook for him or anything else or do I continue to do all of that and more so he can see Ive change for the better. Ive have recently become aware of how abusive I have been to my gf. The next day, she doesnt want to talk to me, but when she does, she said she read the email multiple times and I get the impression she felt I was letting her go. I figured I had to be that girl so if it happened again at least I didnt give my all. I am devastated. I dont want to. This leaves less time to do things that you would rather do at that very moment. My boyfriend has problems so he broke up me. Even after all the things he has said. We werent together officially but the purpose was to get closer to having a real relationship. Plan fun activities to do together. Hi All Basically, she says she does not know right now. Im just so lost, I need steps on to healing myself because Ive stopped eating(lost of appetite) and I barely get any sleep because I have dreams of them and I toss and turn like crazy, Im not as happy and joyful anymore, I just want to feel better and get back to my normal self. I was stubborn and got irritated easily, a trait that I now know was conditioned from living with my father who shows the exact same attitude. Financial security is not enough to make you stay with someone your not in love with. Im scared of getting intimate without an assurance that he is the one he will be there for me because if he is not comfortable he is gonna leave me. I was in love. The fourth time was a few weeks ago when I started having cold feet. Start by what you tell YOURSELF: I am a wonderful person. Any suggestion friends? They all get a long great and my daughter really likes him. I Wont hold my breath then My friend recently told me that she felt bad that she felt great without me and wanted to eventually have a discussion with me (with time). He also told me that he thought I didnt know how to be in a mutually giving relationship. There are families where it happens and it is no big deal, but many other people do find it a big deal. It makes me feel special. Hi Uncertain, Im devistated and cant imagine his feelings have gone from being madly in love to having no love in two months. Did he want the acct so he can spend all his money on date nights,outings,and buying the new woman gifts. or spend time with her to make her feel loved n shell love u back. Since we have a newborn and are both pretty occupied our arguments are left unfinished. First of all, he doesnt even know how. I just dont understand her anymore. I havent reached my goal weight and although Im in university I do not put in 100% all the time. I noticed a change in how he acts and looks at me, so I asked him what was going on. i am trying my best to heal any hurt i have caused with patience and saying nice things. Him not being sure had really upset me because I had been having a really bad day and I needed him. Yes, people do get angry to hide their fears. He is not a problem solver. You have opened up your soul; youve been vulnerable, and what did you get for it? I am in an awesome mood at work. I feel like I am being punished for this and I really am having trouble with trusting another guy. It was her friend. That is NOT the real person. She stayed in touch with me, but rejected any kind of connection with me. He usually texts or calls everyday. Stick to your values. People tell me its a front that she puts up. Well, things just got worse. I love him more than anything and I would do anything to make this right again. Therapy helps and , as I said earlier, I recommend it. First dates are different from the regular dates you go on with your significant other or people you have been going out with for a long time. And he keeps saying that he wishes that the REALLY bad physical fight would have never happened & I was living there again but was moving my things out because it was obvious that it wasnt working & he sat in the court room and stated that he was just storing my things for me and I only had some clothes there because I was there based off of a purely sexual relationship. Ive been trying to research these and understand him more. The third among the 15 ideas for a perfect first date is to buy her flowers before she arrives He said weve been together forever and I know you inside/out. Ive been doing this to him, and getting progressively worse, since January. I was hurt by my ex, I caught him sending sex pics to some random girl that he talked to years before claiming we were broke up. I feel like she sometimes its manipulated by her sister and that is also why e are not together because her sister tells her r should not be together. Shes Scorpio. Good luck. I want her to forgive me and I am trying my best to understand how I hurt her. He has told me I need to get back the strong woman I once wasthe one he fell in love with. He actually came!! They recently split due to partner one finding partner two looking for hookers and indulging in drugs so partner one calls for space.. She is unable to plan or focus. That was 6 days ago. =/ Im so confused and if she decided to leave him and come back, I have such strong feelings for her but I dont know if I should take her back. Looking back on it now I can see how we both failed to nurture and care for our marriage. Well, weve been on 2 vacations together within the last 2 mths and I have been in my old home and have stayed over a few nights, now but not manyAfter we went to the beach the 1st time ,I basically wrote him a novel (10 yrs of things that I have wanted to say & I wasnt begging for any type of relationship but he must have taken it the wrong way) I laughed it off & explained that those were things that I have waited yrs to speak about & he responded vaguely and statedI think we are just better off as friends and I am sorry that we had sex while we were at the beach! Seriously? i ask for meetup face to face , he avoided. Please help me. But her treatment of me stuck caused me to need about 24hrs away. I cant control it but thats what Im working on right now. After we were together for about 2 or 3 years when I threatened to leave he cried and begged apologized etc. Everything was perfect, we had the same goals, the same visions on life, but we did have completely different interests. Really looking forward to moving on with just good memories that make me smile, not collapse in a wailing painful mess. I do not think that I had ever let the past go from my Dad to my sons DNA donor and because I didnt think that I loved my husband henceforth he could never hurt me. The key to a good relationship is being able to put yourself in someone elses shoes BEFORE you do something that you cant undo. How do I fix this? My husband was very angry that I wouldnt help her. Im concerned about a person who wont take responsibility. Could I have your opinion on the whole situation, thanks. She did not call me after giving birth. How long do I stay silent? This man really does make me a better person, but there have been other lies in our relationship from him I dont know what to do honestly. A friend Id told about the situation advised me to block him completely on all platforms. I believe thats because somewhere deep down she knows the guy isnt a good character but shes too busy filling the voids I left her with to want to leave him. It destroyed his trust. Hes an insecure person (he always accused me of cheating on him and having crushes on other men, which I NEVER did) but I believed that he could overcome it one day. Ive been telling him its over, treating him badly. depressed I cant do anything right, I cant stop Ripped off. A person cannot set aside their insecurities. Insecurities become part of a persons very identity and that in turn governs their choices. Hello Dr. Deb, started to disappear cause of the absence of my 15 First Date Ideas i have been with my partner since i was 15 yrs old (18 yrs GOING INTO 19 YRS) we have also lived together since that age too. I will only do so if he texts me first, and even then I keep my responses short and sweet. I just cant get over the feeling that I will get hurt again, sooner or later. 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